The new year is finally here. It feels really weird knowing that roughly two decades ago in the 80's, I was just starting life, and now its 2006.

This year's festivities were pretty tame compared to the past. No drinking, no smoking, no wild ass partying. I actually found my way to church for watch night service. This year is going to be the start of something different for me, or at least that's what I'm aiming for…we'll see how things actually end up going. I definitely plan on being a better student, if nothing else.

But the primary aspiration for this new year:  a serious and devoted relationship. I've been too many bullshit ass relationships with crazy ass, confused, immature females, and I'm definitely not trying to go down that road again. But on the same token, the time I've spent in between relationships has also helped me to realize that I'm really not the type of person to hold it down by my lonesome. I need someone, as pathetic as it may sound, in my life. Friends are great to have, but they can only do so much. I need someone. Emphasis on SOMEONE. Be it man or woman. I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to dive into the world of actually being with a guy, but at this point, anything is worth a try.

Today I ran into an old friend from elementary school. I haven't seen him since I was about 12 or 13, but me seeing him today gave way to a huge revelation.

I used to wonder why I, as an assumingly heterosexual individual, would often find myself turned on and (dare I say) even attracted to other guys. Often the notion of being gay crossed my mind but was quickly and viciously cast away. Nooooooo, I wasn't gay. Couldn't be. I've been in too many relationships, fallen too hard for too many girls, found myself excitedly attracted to too many female specimens, had too many romantic and sexual encounters and experiences with the opposite sex. But as I began to think back on the vague and obscure events of my childhood (which was muddled with so much turmoil and chaos that will have to be saved for another day and another entry), several events stood out in my memory, and for once the very occurrences that I had often tried to remove from my mind were crystal clear.

So what the fuck is this nigga talking about, you ask? Well…back in elementary school, I attended a private school for a few years. The old friend I spoke of earlier (who we'll call "Playboy") and I were in the same class. We became friends almost instantly, I mean like inseparable. We would often spend weekends at each others houses, and I think we even had a birthday party together, since we were born only nine days apart. Being as close as we were, and spending as much time together as we did, it's no surprise that there was a lot of sexual experimentation. At first it was pretty run of the mill, typical boy stuff—sneaking to watch his dad's porn videos and magazines, and things of the sort. But one day after school, our class was going over to some after-school program that the school was holding, and we were told to go change in an empty classroom. At first it was your typical group of 5 and 6 year old boys changing clothes and playing around…pretty harmless and innocent. But as the group of 12 or so boys got smaller and smaller, the activity got more sexual. In the end, Playboy, myself, and another boy were left in the room, though the extent of our activity still remains a little vague. That was the first time I ever had any kind of sexual interaction with another dude, but not necessarily the only or the last.

So where does that leave me? Am I gay? Hell no. Straight? Yes, if you let me tell it (though I'm sure some could and would argue otherwise). Ahhhh, what about the concept of bisexuality? I'm not so sure I agree with that label. Curious? Perhaps. Confused? Shit, most definitely. In the worst way.

Christmas is such a hectic time of year. I hate having to go out and shop for gifts for other people, especially when most of them are people who you really don't give a fuck about giving them something. Not to mention shit is so expensive nowadays. I've already spent well over the $100 I planned on spending on gifts this year, and that was only on two people.

On another note, I've been having some really weird ass dreams lately. A few nights ago, I had a dream that Afeni Shakur was holding a press conference or something of the sort, and she was shot and killed mid-speech. The next night, I had a dream that Lauryn Hill was performing at a memorial concert in her memory, and she too was shot and killed while on stage. Not sure exactly what these are supposed to mean, but it's not the first time I've had dreams like this either. I had another dream soon after the 9/11 attacks, when they canceled the Latin Grammys, that Destiny's Child was performing at the Latin Grammy show and right as they were coming off stage, there was a huge explosion and the entire arena blew up. And I also had a recurring dream about seven or eight months back where I watched myself die in a car accident (I had that dream every night for a good two weeks). And the fact that I can actually still remember these dreams is weird, because I almost always don't remember my dreams.

I was recently directed to the four-part blogcast series by Karsh featured on BlackGayBlogger.com, entitled "Man of Morehouse." The series basically gives a rundown of his four years at Morehouse and all the drama and craziness included therein. Firstly, I admire his ability to endure all the shit he went through freshman and sophomore year and still decide to stay at Da House, because I would have easily transferred, or killed some damn body. I also found a lot of his insight on the state of homosexual prominence on campus to be rather interesting. While Morehouse's approach to homosexuality amongst the student body today still seems to be rather "turn a blind eye"-ish, I think that it is slowly becoming even more and more recognized, and, dare I say, accepted. I remember at the beginning of the semester, it was pretty hard to tell, but now it's painfully obvious who the queens on campus are (and I must say, there are FAR more than one would think). But that's a completely different topic.

This is my first entry, and I'm kinda new to this whole blog thing, so I'll try to keep it brief.

This blog is going to be used to chronicle my years at Morehouse College (and possibly beyond if it lasts that long), with a little personal insight regarding current issues and concerns along the way. But first, I believe it would be best if I told you all a little bit about myself, while still maintaining my anonymity.

Name:  Let's be for real…

Age:  Not important, just know I'm a college student

Sex:  Male

School:  The illustrious Morehouse College in Atlanta, GA

Classification:  Freshman

Major:  Wouldn't you like to know…if you do know, fill me in cuz I haven't the slightest clue.

Residence:  One of the many freshman dorms

Hometown:  Somewhere in the South

Race:  Black

Sexuality:  Straight, but getting increasingly more curious with each day on campus

Current Status:  Single

Favorite Food:  Anything seafood or pasta, and don't put the two together…

Favorite Drink:  Kool-Aid or Sweet Tea

Favorite Fast Food Restaurant:  Long John Silver or McDonalds

Favorite Sit-Down Restaurant:  Goldfish or Pappadeaux

Favorite Candy:  Gummi Bears, Starbursts, and Almond Snickers

Current Life Goals:  To graduate on time, land a solid job, and lead a semi-normal single life for a few years before finally moving toward achieving my dreams (which have yet to be fully ironed out)…in other words, a nigga ain't quite sure just yet.

I know I didn't really give you a whole lot to go off of, but I'm sure you'll get to know me a little better as this blog progesses.

Stay tuned, I'll be back with a quick run-down of my first semester at 'Da House, among other things.